The Secret Behind My 18 Years Of Marriage


secret-behind-18-years of marriage

This week was my 18 year wedding anniversary.

We met when we were 11.

We have been a couple since we were 14.


Sometimes I sit in awe of that.

How is it I can still enjoy his company?  Feel in love? Feel excited when I see his car pull in the driveway?

It wasn’t always this way.

There was a time, not too long ago, where I was seriously doubting our ability to make it.

There was a time where I looked at him and wondered it we would make it thru.

But somehow we have.

As I was writing my husband’s anniversary card I pondered the thought.

What is our secret? Why have we been able to weather grief, illness, arguments, family, finances, etc. . . while so many other couples have not?

Here is my answer to that. . .

I believe our secret comes down to our mutual desire to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

It comes from our desire to always improve our marriage. Our desire to get better at communication, connection, intimacy, arguments.  We continually strive to learn how to be the best spouse that we can be.

That is our secret.

We certainly don’t have it all figured out.

If there is one thing that you can count on in marriage is that there will always be challenges that you will face. 

As soon as you think you have figured it out . . .

WHAM . . . out jumps another hurdle you must cross.

I know there will come a time in the future where I will question our ability to make it.  Where the path will be so rough that we will feel blind as we try to navigate our way thru.

We don’t have it all figured out.

We hurt each other.

We make mistakes.

We fight.

We yell.

We cry.

We still have so much to learn.

But, I take great comfort in knowing that we both strive to be the best we can for each other.  Even though we don’t have all the answers we keep trying.

That’s it.

That’s the big secret (actually not such a big secret after all).

There are endless things that can improve a relationship, but all the books and strategies in the world won’t help if the ambition to work towards improvement isn’t there.

Strive to be the best spouse that you can be.  It doesn’t mean that you are perfect or that you do everything right.  It simply means that you make the effort.

Put in the effort. 

Keep trying.

Just the simple desire to improve and get better will take you far both in marriage and in life.

Wishing my husband a very happy anniversary.  Thank you for continually working to be the best husband that you could possibly be! I’m one very lucky girl 🙂










8 thoughts on “The Secret Behind My 18 Years Of Marriage

  1. Happy 18 years! Congratulations on figuring out how to do marriage. It isn’t easy for sure but well worth it. 21 yrs has taught us a lot about grave, forgiveness and never giving up.
    Enjoy your anniversary!

  2. We met when we were five, reconnected when we were fifteen (and working in the same supermarket), started going steady at seventeen, married at twenty, and next year we celebrate both our 60th birthdays and our fortieth wedding anniversary. There have been times when we’ve both wanted to walk away (or even run) but we each made a covenant with the other, before God, and we honour that commitment daily; just as we honour our Lord by committing our days to Him.
    God bless you both as you celebrate eighteen years and remember, the best is yet to come.

    1. Congratulations on 40 years! That is an amazing accomplishment. And that you were sweethearts so young too. What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with me and thank you for your anniversary wishes!

  3. Congratulations on 18 years. The decision to keep trying is a huge factor in my marriage. We have been married for 20 years. It’s been a far-from-perfect picture of marriage, but we keep trying and growing. I’m glad we have hung in there because our marriage is getting better as we strive to love each other well.

    1. Thank you for stopping by. Congrats to you on 20 years!!! And congrats on committing to continue to keep trying. Glad to hear your marriage is getting better with age. Mine is too.

  4. I’m male I do agree with everything u say we r just past 18 we r in a really rough time hope the best for us hope my wife read this and no I’m not perfect i have the desire to learn to be better thanks

    1. The most important step in change is the desire to be better. Thank you for taking a minute to share. I hope that you and your wife can find some tips here to help you get back on track.

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