One Way To Stop Fighting With Your Spouse

Copy of Copy one way to stop fighting with your spousephoto by Emerald AZ Photography

Recently, a reader reached out to express his frustration over one particular thing:

the endless fighting with his spouse over . . .

Money!

He said that, for the entire length of their marriage, they have continuously had the same argument about money, with no resolution.

I get how frustrating and impossible this can feel because I can totally relate!

My husband and I fought about money too.

Over and over we would have the same argument. 

For decades, the same exact fight.

Always about money and always without resolution.

It was beginning to feel quite hopeless.

Then something happened that put an end to the fight about money,

For good!

Check out this video to find out what stopped the fighting.

Remember, if there is something that you are wanting to change in your life or in your marriage, it must start with you. 

Tammy

Married and Naked

(Visited 2,640 times, 2 visits today)

13 thoughts on “One Way To Stop Fighting With Your Spouse

  1. That’s good stuff Tammy. It applies to every fight I’m sure. I’m glad you were able to get to that point and not let money end your marriage.
    So .. now how do you handle a 40$ gift?
    I worked part time for years and my husband allowed me to do what ever I wanted with that income. I used it to buy homeschool material, vacation, then school clothes, Christmas etc. I will admit I spent a lot in myself but we never have fought about money.
    I’m now home as a house wife and care giver to my mom. I earn a fraction of what I was earning just a few short months ago. Our kids are grown in college so I no longer have to spend it in them. Now I have to reall be picky about what I spend my income on. lol.
    Sabrina recently posted…What’s A Wife To Do With An Unbelieving HusbandMy Profile

    1. HI Sabrina. That is a great question. I guess I should have addressed that 🙂 When I came back to him and shared with him my realization and expressed to him that I have chose acceptance and that I understand where all of his concerns come from, he felt bad for overreacting. I bought the gift.

      Since then, we have had endless discussions about our finances. We have a budget that we created together and we work from that. When husband starts to feel the stress over our finances, we sit down and go over them together so that we can both see where we are truly at. Usually the stress he feels is lessened when we go over everything and he can be reminded that we are doing well. That we are saving as we should, that all bills are getting paid, etc . . . It has been a good strategy to help us stay on the same page 🙂
      Married recently posted…One Way To Stop Fighting With Your SpouseMy Profile

    1. Hi Ron. I totally understand. This is a common source of problems for married couples. Change will first come from understanding. You both will need to try to find a place of understanding and acceptance of each other in this area. Her needs and wants are going to be different from yours. I know it is not easy when it comes to this sensitive topic but finding an understanding of these differences is essential.
      Married recently posted…One Way To Stop Fighting With Your SpouseMy Profile

  2. But what if there are some destructive behaviors that one or both of the spouses need to change, in order to better themselves and each other?

    I don’t agree that we should accept one another for who they are, especially if they’re not being like Christ and need to change to be more like Him, out of love for one another.

    1. Hi Melissah, would love to know what you mean by destructive behaviors. It is true that if one spouse is being abusive or hurtful in some way, that acceptance is not the case. The advice that I share is for couples who are in a healthy relationship and working as a team. They just may need some guidance to help them navigate the challenges that marriage brings. The advice is never meant for couples in abusive or destructive relationships.

      If abuse is not the case, I will however say that living in judgement of our spouse is not going to guide us to a healthy relationship. Trying to change our spouse is not our job. That is for them to do for themselves. I believe in leading by example. Hope this clears some things up. Thanks for taking a minute to share your thoughts!

  3. Hi Tammy,
    I’m a new follower and I understand what you are saying. But how do you do it? So now you understand where he’s coming from. How do you handle the $40. Gift? I’m assuming he still doesn’t want you to spend the money. So can you describe how it’s different now? Is it how you approach it? Do you just tell him that you are going to spend the money. Or do you just say okay…i won’t spend the money? My husband and I have been married for 23 years and we seem to fight about the same things all the time. And yes, we are very different people with different upbringing. But I’m about ready to give up. It’s so hard and depressing.

    1. HI Cindy. I don’t want to imply that it is easy. Finding acceptance is definitely challenging but oh so important.

      With regards to that specific incident, when I came back to him and shared my realization and expressed to him that I understood where all of his concerns came from, he felt bad for overreacting. I bought the gift.

      Yes, it is definitely in my approach. When I come from a place of understanding tension is diffused.

      As I shared with Sabrina, since then we have had endless discussions about our finances. We have a budget that we created together and we work from that. Within that budget we get all the basics along with gifts for the month. We have some specific savings accounts that we have created for things like gifts or vacation. Also, we each have a small “fun money” account that we put money into monthly. That money is our own to do with how we please. Without judgement from each other.

      Now, when husband starts to feel the stress over our finances, we sit down and go over them together so that we can both see where we are truly at. Usually the stress he feels is lessened when we go over everything and he can be reminded that we are doing well. That we are saving as we should, that all bills are getting paid, etc . . . It has been a good strategy to help us stay on the same page.

      Working thru finances has to be a team effort. It is not going to work well if the balance is uneven. If one spouse has control over the financial decisions that could lead to a great deal of upheaval and negative feelings in a relationship.

      I understand that every relationship is different, but this is what has worked best in mine.

      Does that help?

    1. Hi Keelie. You are so right. Different personalities can definitely make things difficult in a marriage. You may never get completely thru some of the fights. Its ok to agree to disagree on certain issues 🙂 I tried to comment on your post but it wouldn’t let me.

  4. Hi my name is Salina my husband and I have been fighting since he been home from 20 years in prison. I love him and I stood baby his side,he cheated on me three times two he never touched she texting but he cheated on me with someone and I forgave him but my heart hurts and its hard to get it out of my head what do I do.I am a Christian and he uses that to say I should not judge cause I am not perfect I told him I never cheated on him.

    1. Hi Salina.. You’re situation is very unique. I would strongly recommend you seeking the advice of a certified therapist to help you navigate the specific challenges that you are experiencing.

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