I recently sent out a survey to my readers and asked them a few anonymous questions about their marriage.
My hope was to get some insight so that I can use the information that I receive to better serve your marriages.
But, what I gained was more than that.
What I gained was a feeling of . . . well . . . normalcy.
My marriage is normal.
And, my guess is, yours is too.
Here is what I mean;
I asked my readers this question.
“What would you like most to improve in your marriage?”
Can you guess what 40% of people said?
You probably can, because it is probably something that you would like to improve in your marriage too.
40% of those surveyed said that they would like to improve . . .
Communication.
Shocker, huh?
Not really.
In my own marriage, communication is among the top things that husband and I are always working on. And frankly, it’s one of the most challenging things to get right. There is always room for improvement.
Can you guess what the second most popular answer was?
Your probably thinking it in your head right now.
Almost 30% of readers said that the thing you would most like to improve in their marriage is their
sex life.
Shocker again?
No, not really.
In my own marriage, finding a happy balance in the sex department is an ongoing challenge as well.
Runner up?
Almost 19% answered that they would most like to improve
the amount or quality of time spent with their spouse.
Shocker once more?
Nope!
I recently told you that my goal this year was to have more quality time with my husband.
Other things that many wanted to work on; trust, respect, connection, spontaneity, finances, romance, and self-improvement.
Yep. All sounds familiar to me.
So, what’s my point to all of this?
My marriage is normal.
Your marriage? It’s normal!
The majority of us experience similar challenges in our marriages.
However, talking openly about the challenges we face in our marriages, isn’t something most of us do.
Instead we follow people’s lives on social media and compare ourselves to them only to be left feeling that we are alone in the challenges we face.
But, here is what I have to say to that; though your friend on Facebook may appear to have the perfect marriage, I guarantee she is facing her own quiet marriage challenges.
We are all more alike than you probably think.
Arguing about sex? Normal! Can’t seem to communicate well with each other? Normal! Dying for more quality time together? Normal!
So, now that you know that the challenges you face in your marriage are much the same as most marriages, you can breathe a sigh of relief.
As for me? I’ve got my work cut out for me helping to support your marriage and providing you with content that will help you improve in the areas that you want to work on.
What do you have to do?
It’s time to get to work.
You say you want to improve in these areas of your marriage?
Well then let’s get to it!
Tammy
Married-and-Naked
I would like, to communicate more with my husband. And that we can, spen more time together as a couple.
You have that in common with most couples that I talk to. I hope you will find some inspiration here that helps you improve in both those areas.
My problem with the solution is trying to get my wife to have open and honest discussions about these issues in our marriage! The discussions will last…..five minutes tops, before she gets frustrated and then completely shuts down…….for 38 years now!
I totally understand that it can be very frustrating when our spouse doesn’t communicate the way that we would like them to. Here is one thing that I know for sure. We only have control over ourselves. You cannot change her to be as you want her to be. So I challenge you, instead, to look within yourself to see how you might be contributing to her shutting down. Look within yourself to see how you might do a better job at communicating with her in a way that is less frustrating to her. Maybe there is a way of communicating with her that would help her feel more comfortable and able to discuss things without shutting down. Let me know your thoughts on that.
I would like to have more time to discuss about our marriage progress
most of us were never taught how to show understanding and most conversations end prematurely w/o empathy
That is so true Bill. Many of us are just learning as we go thru marriage on how to communicate effectively. It is definitely one of the biggest challenges that I find in marriage.
I wish my wife and I could be more intimate.Have more sex.More closeness.But the topic of sex just leads to arguments.I have a high libido.And she doesn’t.We have been married 20 yearsAnd still argue over same thing.We have even seen a therapist.He said he couldn’t help us anymore.Because we still argued about same things.We have almost broken up a few times over this.
Hi Ron, Thank you for sharing your story. Struggling over issues regarding differing sex drives is super normal. A huge percentage of couples argue about this, so don’t feel alone. And, learning to communicate about it can be very difficult. I’m sad to hear that your therapist said he couldn’t help you. I think I would be on the lookout for a new therapist that can help the two of you find ways to communicate your needs in a more productive fashion. This is not an uncommon problem. It is just a matter of finding the right person to help you learn to get thru it.