This post contains affiliate links.
It has taken me about 20 years of marriage to understand one very valuable lesson. So, if you are struggling in any area of your marriage, TUNE IN!
Here it is:
We all bring our own baggage to a relationship.
You may be saying, “Tammy, I don’t have any baggage.”
I beg to differ.
I believe we all have baggage.
Baggage can be both good and bad. It can include both the positive things that have happened in your life, as well as the negative.
The important thing to understand is that each piece of baggage we carry affects how we love, communicate and accept love from others.
We all bring our own “stuff” to a relationship.
Lately, I have spent a great deal of time of my focusing on my own personal growth.
My goal has been to understand why certain things trigger strong emotions for me.
- Why I’m so hard on myself?
- Why can I be so compassionate to everyone else, but, when it comes to me, be quite mean?
- Why do certain things my husband says or does set me off so quickly?
- Why I’m so defensive?
The list goes on and on.
Not too long ago, I was searching Ted.com researching videos on relationships and came across Brene Brown’s TED Talk on Vulnerability.
Though it wasn’t what I was looking for, it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I was immediately hooked and watched the entire video. I became so transfixed by her message, that I went on a hunt to learn everything I could about her.
I found that she had written several books, so I decided to download the audiobook called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. And, immediately upon finishing that book, went on to download her audiobook Rising Strong (both available in hardback and paperback.)
These are not relationship books.
These are personal growth books.
But, what I have taken away from them is that, I need to handle my own “stuff”. It is my responsibility to look within and learn and grow. And, in doing that, my relationships improve.
I believe that the day Brene Brown came across my computer screen is a day that changed my life.
I know it sounds corny, but it is so true.
Here is what I believe with my whole heart.
In order to have the marriage we long to have, we must change our focus away from what we want to change about our spouse, and instead, begin looking within ourselves.
I have always known this to be true, but, after reading her books, have come to truly understand, not only, the importance of fully embracing this concept but the urgentness of putting in the work.
Our ability to look within can have a potent influence on the positive and negative outcomes in marriage.
Is there is something not going right in your life? Look within yourself for change.
Is there something happening in your marriage that you are unhappy with? Look within yourself for change.
Look Within Yourself!
It’s a total game changer.
I have learned thru the amazing books Daring Greatly and Rising Strong, by Brene Brown, that my willingness to be vulnerable, my struggle to feel like I’m enough, and my ability to own my story defines my life and my relationships.
I believe that to be true for all of us.
We all come to marriage with baggage.
It’s time to own that baggage and understand how it influences our communication styles, our emotional triggers, and our ability to love and be loved.
- How we react to conflict.
- Triggers that set off anger.
- Struggles with communication.
- ETC. . .
Each of these is important, if not urgent, to get curious about.
Rather than blaming your spouse for everything going wrong in your relationship, it is time to look within.
And, to get you kickstarted in this vital and transformative process, I highly recommend that you check out Brene Brown’s books. Start with Daring Greatly! Buy it immediately! (Click Here to check it out!)
I’m sure you will get hooked and want to read everything she ever wrote.
Her words and research have the power to change your life and, in turn, change your relationships.
Married And Naked