Lately I have been standing center stage with the spotlight blinding me at my own pity party. There are only two people on the invite list, myself and my husband. And my husband wishes he could just ignore the invite all together. It is embarrassing to say, but it is true.
I am not sure what is up. I just think that sometimes the stars align just right. They align in perfect order so that I can look at them and find everything wrong with the world. Just in line to turn a normally positive and optimistic girl into a pessimistic stranger.
That is me. The unrecognizable girl, laying in her husband’s lap in the closet, bawling for no real apparent reason, unable to pick herself up off the floor.
The stress of a bad business decision, unknown finances, an excess 10lbs that wasn’t there last year, the undeniable stress of work and parenthood. Stacking on top of each other all at once and, WHAM! The once strong and happy woman of yesterday is the dark cloud of today.
I know that regardless of my list of excuses, sitting in the closet checking off all that is wrong is ridiculous. In my moments of clarity I know that. I know that I am quite capable of getting up off of the floor, dusting the carpet lint of my clothes and wiping the mascara smudges off my face. In the heat of the moment though, I need to be reminded.
In comes husband, who provides his clothes as a snot rag, his lap as a pillow and his hands to move the hair out of my face. Soothing and listening. Reminding me that I am better than this.
When I said, “I don’t know what to do.” He replied, “Just start with what you do know.” That simple statement stuck. Start with what I know.
What did I know? I knew I needed to get up off the floor. I knew I needed a little time to myself and I knew I needed to move my body some so that I could start to feel good again. That is all I knew, but it was enough.
I am still short-tempered and falling into tears easier than usual, but everyday is a new day. I set new exercise goals, ones simple enough to do with minimal effort. I cut some pages out of a magazine for inspiration and posted them on my closet wall where I can see them everyday. I asked my husband to take over with children a couple of nights a week, so I can have some peace to think, I started writing in my daily accountability journal again. Little steps that move me in the right direction.
Through all of this, there is one thing that I found easy gratitude for. My marriage. I am so grateful that husband and I have spent so much energy strengthening our marriage. What would happen if our marriage was rocky on top of all of the stress that my meltdown has put on us? It could be disastrous.
But, all of the work we have done has helped prepare us for times like these. It has given us a real foundation that keeps us balanced when it feels everything else is going to crumble. That foundation boosts me. It gives me hope. It reminds me that I have done something right. . . . . A strong, loving, supportive, forgiving marriage. That definitely has to count for something right?
Today’s lesson in improving my marriage: Keep up the hard work. It will pay off in ways you can’t imagine
Very beautiful. Staying in love with the person we are in a relationship with can take work but if we are sincere about that love, it will prevail.
I truly believe that with all my heart.
Tammy,
Every night before bed, my wife and I right down 5 things we’re grateful for… then we share them with each other. The only rule is that each thing has to be a complete sentence. It’s not enough say “I’m grateful for my wife, my kids, my house, my job, my life….”
Instead we use complete sentences to say what we REALLY feel grateful for.
Such as… I am grateful that my wife never makes me feel like I am not good enough to warrant her time and affection.
and here’s one from my wife:
I am grateful that my husband forgives me when I take things out on him that he had nothing to do with.
On some days it’s hard to think of something that you are grateful for… but there isn’t a rule on re-using a past gratitude.
Hope this helps…
David
H David. Thank you for your great info.
My husband and I have an appreciation/thank you journal that we keep for each other. At the end of the day we write what we appreciate about our spouse that day and we say thank you. We leave it out so that we can read it before we go to bed. That day, I wrote to him, “Thank you for helping me get up off the floor.” 🙂
I like the “5 things we are grateful for” too. Similar to what we do. We started doing our journal a couple of years ago and it has made all of the difference in our marriage. We feel connected, appreciated and heard.
Thank you for taking time to tell me about what works for you. I really appreciate it!
I know the feeling you’re talking about in regards to the pity party…I’ve been in a similar rut myself! You’re super lucky to have a supportive husband there by your side, I’m a bit jealous of that 😉
Keep your head up and things will turn around!!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the pep talk. I understand that you have been thru a lot. Just a friendly reminder from one gal to another…. we are worth it. You are worth it. You deserve better. Don’t sell yourself short anymore.
I believe that if we get right with ourselves. Feel good about ourselves….. that is when we are most open to the best that life has to offer.
I wish you the very best in your journey and allowing only good to come into your life.
Thanks so much 🙂 that means a lot!!
Hugs, love, & strength!
Having read your blog all these months, it’s easy to recognize that you’re a highly sensitive person. You have the ability to see things many people would miss, and so you’re able to appreciate what others would fail to even notice. The flip side of this trait is that you’re affected by the negative things, too, no matter how small. I guess they accumulate. I’m the same way. I can look at every part of my life and feel unbelievably lucky, and an hour later look at the very same things and get depressed about all of it. And the weird part is, nothing changed during that hour. I have no advice. All I can say is that you’re not alone — and fortunate to have such a supportive spouse ( I am, too). Thank you for your honesty.
Sounds like we have a lot in common 🙂 Thank you so much! You are always so kind and supportive.