I was recently talking to a family member who is Mormon. Because I am unfamiliar with the religion, she was teaching me a little bit about missionaries. One thing that she explained to me was that when Mormons take their mission they are always paired with another missionary or companion, as they call it.
These two individuals will live together and work together for the duration of their mission. Though they may go thru several companions during the course of their mission, they will live, breathe and work along side this person with very little (if any) down time away from each other.
In order to help this companionship work, one of the things that the missionaries are required to do is take a Companionship Inventory.
Companionship Inventory is held at the end of each week. It is a time for the companions to talk about goals, resolve any conflicts, discuss challenges, provide support, and talk about how they can improve their relationship.
As she was telling me this, I couldn’t help think of marriage. And, how taking a regular Companionship Inventory in your marriage could be a vital key to the growth, strength and happiness of the relationship.
Dr. John Gottman
said, in marriage “it’s the small things, done often that make the difference.” Something as small as checking in with each other regularly can make a huge difference in the health of your marriage.
Here are some ways to take inventory in your marriage and make the small things matter.
Schedule Time
Set a monthly date to take inventory. Put it on your calendar. If you schedule the it ahead of time, you will be less likely to let it slide. Time for inventory should be set in a calm place, without time constraints and most importantly without distractions.
Express Appreciation
The first thing to do during inventory is to express gratitude. Talk to each other about what you have appreciated about the other over the last month. Don’t we all crave the knowledge that all of the efforts that we make do not go unnoticed?
Each of us deserves to be recognized for all of the energy and effort that we put in for the other. Make sure you are doing your part to tell your spouse, “Thank you!” for all that they do.
How Can You Improve?
The key to marriage is growth. The minute you stop making efforts to grow and get better is the minute that relationships get into trouble. Ask each other how you can improve in the relationship. Set down your defenses, listen carefully and remember we all have room for improvement.
Be open to what your spouse has to say. This is not a time to be defensive. This is a time to open your mind and your heart to how to make each other happy.
Set goals
Now that you know ways that you can each improve in the relationship, it is time to set goals on how you can improve. It doesn’t make any sense to take the time to check in with each other, if you don’t set goals on how to make the necessary changes and improvements needed.
Set a few attainable goals on how you can each improve. Once you have set some goals, talk about action steps that you can each take to help you work towards those goals. Even small steps, when done regularly, can have a huge impact on the success of your marriage.
Marriage takes continuous nurturing and attention in order to make marriage thrive. By taking regular inventory in your marriage, and working to make improvements, you and your spouse will be on the right track to keeping your marriage healthy and happy.
Tammy
Married and Naked
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This is just lovely! And I couldn’t agree more that it is the small things that make a huge impact on a relationship. Growing is definitely key but it can be so easy to become stagnant—and complacent! I like the idea of setting a date to take “inventory” on the relationship. Just taking the time to sit down and say,”How are we really doing?” is something I easily forget to do.
Thank you so much for these beautiful reminders!
xx
Charlotte’s Little Web
I think we all forget to check in sometimes.
Thank you so much for stopping by! Really appreciate it!
I really like the idea of taking a companionship inventory. It sounds like it would be great to add to my marriage. I think I will try it in March for sure!
Thank you for stopping by. I really appreciate it. Would love to hear how it goes for you in March.
Scheduling time to spend together is the one thing I need to work on. Especially after a really long day when all I want to do is lie on the couch and not talk to anyone!
I feel that way after a long day too. Usually I will take 30 minutes or so to decompress after the kids go to bed. Then I feel more ready to focus some time on hubby.
Thank you for stopping by!
What a great idea – love the idea of expressing gratitude first. I often find that I am terrible about that and instead focus on the negatives, the things that haven’t been done, etc. I will definitely be working on that going forward!