Let’s talk about stress. Specifically, let’s talk about how to help your spouse thru stress.

I’m diving into this today because recently my husband had a week that was extremely stressful.

He felt overwhelmed by the amount of stress he was feeling to the point that it was affecting him physically.  He was not able to take a deep breath, he wasn’t sleeping well, and his heart was racing.

It was a challenging week, to say the least.  But we got thru it.  

Thru that experience, I learned some very valuable lessons on how to support my husband thru stressful times.  

You see, normally a week like this would have had us at each other’s throats and by the end of the week, our marriage would have taken some heavy damage.

But, we were able to get thru this week differently.

What was different? That is what we are tackling today.  

Like to listen rather than read?  Check out The Married And Naked Podcast episode How To Help Your Spouse Thru Stress HERE. 

Are you a visual learner?  Read on.

The truth is that we’re all dealing with immense stress. There is no question about that.  But sometimes the balance shifts in levels of stress among partners.

Sometimes I am feeling a lot more than my husband and sometimes he more than me.    

During a season like this, it becomes important to figure out ways to support each other through those challenging times and learn how to help your spouse thru stress.

We all hear stress is bad for us, right? But do we really understand why that is?

Stress itself is a vital part of our body’s natural responses. It was designed to help us in situations where there is a threat.

When our brain sees a potential threat, it sends signals to release stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.  Those hormones trigger our fight-or-flight response.

Because of that our breathing becomes rapid, our heart rate increases, and our blood flows to our extremities. 

Our body gets ready for action.

In the early days of humans, those threats we felt were probably short-lived. Our stress might have been due to an animal chasing us and trying to eat us or maybe we were fighting with a neighboring tribe.

And once we got away from the animal or the fight ended, our brain recognized that the threat was gone.  Our hormones would then return to normal levels, our heart rate normalized, and our breathing and blood flow regulated.

Nowadays, stress is chronic. It is ever-present.

Many of us feel it all the time and it never seems to go away. The problem with that is that our bodies just weren’t developed to handle that kind of constant stress.

If your body is in a continuous, chronic state of stress, your stress hormones are elevated far more and far longer than they should be. And that can lead to all sorts of health issues like weight gain, high blood pressure, heart disease, weakening immune system, insomnia, and intestinal issues. 

It can also decrease your sex drive and cause erectile dysfunction.

Hence the experts saying that stress is bad for us.

Stress is a normal and essential part of our being. It is a way of protecting us from threats.  But, too much can be detrimental.

So, the question is, what can you do about it? And specifically today, what can you do for your spouse when they are under a tremendous amount of stress?

Here are some of the things I have learned about how to help your spouse thru stress.

1. Step into empathy and compassion

The first thing to do is to show compassion and empathy for what your spouse is going thru.

I get that expressing compassion isn’t always an easy thing to do. Especially when you’ve got your own stress going on.  

But think about treating your spouse as you wish to be treated.  We all want compassion during stressful times.  I’m sure you want to feel heard and understood.  Don’t you want to feel that someone has your back?

Of course!

And let me tell you this, making someone feel bad for their feelings or situation is not going to help.   It can only exacerbate stress.

So, be your spouse’s safe zone.  The place they can turn to and know that what awaits them is kindness and compassion. 

Just that alone is going to have a huge impact on helping alleviate your partner’s stress and ease stress in the household.

2. Become The Eye Of The Storm

In the middle of a hurricane, there is a place of quiet and calm. The eye.  It is a place of respite amidst the chaos.

Visualize being the eye of the storm for your partner. Be a place of calm in the midst of their turmoil.

Be conscious of not allowing yourself to get sucked into the stress that your partner is going through.  Remember, just because they are feeling it, doesn’t mean you have to feel it too. If you are both out of control with stress, damage can ensue.

Instead, imagine being the eye and providing a place of relief from the chaos.   

3. Change Their Environment

A physical shift in your environment can shift your mindset.

Knowing this, consider the idea of taking your partner out of the environment that is contributing to the stress.   In my husband’s case it was his home office.

Encourage them to get some space away from it for a little while.

This can have a huge impact on letting stress go.

One of the things I encourage my husband to do every time he’s feeling stressed is to play golf. Golf is a very meditative kind of practice. It’s hard to stay stressed about things when you’re paying attention to your swing or you’re trying to find your ball.

Maybe it’s not golf, but instead, you encourage your spouse to meet up with friends, take a drive, listen to some music, take a nature walk, or have a little dance party in the bedroom.

Help them step away from the stress for long enough to allow the stress hormones to regulate back to normal.

4. Make Self Care A Priority

On an airplane, before a flight, the attendant walks you thru safety measures. And one thing they always make a point to tell you is that in the event of a pressure drop, put your oxygen mask on first before you put on someone else’s. 

Why? Because if you pass out you are not going to be of any help to anyone.

You have to take care of yourself first so that you can then take care of others.

This is true when helping your spouse thru stress as well.  

In times of stress, whether it’s your own stress or your partner’s,  it is important to make a concerted effort toward self-care.   Put on your oxygen mask.

Care for yourself first, and you will feel more able to care for your spouse. It is vital to make sure that you are in a good mental state so that you can better serve others.

How can you do that?

A few things that are part of my self-care routine are; running, meditation, walks in the sunshine, eating nutritious foods, listening to music or inspirational podcasts, and journaling.   

Each of these things helps me breathe and to focus on myself for a bit. They help my body cope with the stress so that I can better help my husband cope.   

Taking care of the people we love isn’t always easy.  It is hard work. 

No one said marriage was going to be easy.  Or if they did, they were severely mistaken.

But, when we can be intentional about being there for our spouse, our marriage can sustain challenging times.

I hope these tips have given you some ideas about how to help your spouse thru stress. 

And next time your spouse is in the midst of a stressful week, work on implementing these things; compassion, visualizing being the eye of the storm, helping them change their environment, and practicing your own self-care.

Your marriage will thank you for it.

Want to learn more secrets to creating the Ultimate Marriage?  Take a look at Secret #1 HERE!

Looking for more episodes of The Married And Naked Podcast.  You can find all episodes HERE!

Until next time!

Tammy