Have you heard the term, “Communication is King?” I would challenge this phrase to instead be, “Good communication is King.”
Good communication is king in a healthy marriage. Being a good communicator is a key element to having a successful and happy marriage. If you can communicate well, then you are better equipped to express your feelings, your needs and work through disagreements and challenges.
One of the most important elements of good communication is being a great listener. But, just because it is an important skill to have, doesn’t mean that we all have it.
Here are some tips to help you improve your listening skills and give your spouse the attention they deserve.
Eye contact
I know that you have probably heard this a hundred times, but it is true. Good eye contact is key to making someone feel heard. There is little more annoying and distracting than talking to someone who isn’t looking at you. You immediately feel unheard and that talking to that person is no better than talking to a wall.
When your spouse is talking to you, look at them in the eye in a loving and empathetic way. Not only will it help them to feel heard, but it will help you pay better attention to what is being said. Making good eye contact with your spouse will help them feel loved, respected and heard.
Minimize Distractions
Let’s face it, our ability to have a good one on one, face to face conversation with our spouses can be challenging. With endless distractions to get in the way, it is easy to let your relationship fall into the poor communication trap. Don’t let that happen.
If your spouse needs to talk, show them respect by eliminating as many distractions as possible. Turn your phone off, walk away from the computer, pause the television show and give them your full attention. You cannot be an effective communicator if there are interruptions or noise. Ask the kids to give you a quite moment to finish your conversation, or if necessary walk into another room where you can give your undivided attention.
Allowing distractions to interrupt your spouse when they are trying to communicate with you will only leave them feeling disappointed and undervalued. Show them that what they have to say is important by eliminating distractions.
Clarify
Listening is only effective if you understand what is being said. It is always a good idea to clarify what you believe you have heard. It is easy to misunderstand what someone is trying to express to you.
It is helpful to periodically say, “So what I hear you saying is . . .” By doing this, you give your spouse an opportunity to correct any misunderstandings or to be more clear in what they are trying to communicate to you. Don’t just listen for the sake of listening; listen for the sake of understanding.
Just Listen
The most important thing is to just listen. Don’t try to jump in to what they are saying with your opinions, thoughts, or ideas. If they are looking for you to do that they will tell you, otherwise just listen. Let them express all that they want to say without interruption. You can take your turn when they are done talking. Though it may be hard to do, bite your tongue and be quiet while they express themselves.
What your spouse has to say is important. It may not seem important to you, but it is to them.
Becoming a good communicator is a skill that many of us will continue to work on for the rest of our lives. But if you can master the skill of listening you have mastered the most important part. You will be amazed at what challenges you can work thru if you can just listen well to what is being said.
Tammy
Married and Naked
