This year, there are two things in particular that I wanted to focus on in my marriage.
1. Increasing alone time with my husband, during the week, without distraction.
Let’s face it. Hubby and I are busy. Running multiple businesses while trying to focus on the kids and health, and well… so much more, finding time alone with each other often gets put on the back-burner. Especially during the week.
We are pretty good about making some time together on the weekends, but we could go all week without making a good connection. Without having any quiet time without tv, computer or the kids, to check-in and connect.
Because of that, on the weekend we are constantly trying to play catch up.
My goal is to have some quiet one on one time, without distraction, on Wednesday nights after the kids go to bed.
I think by doing that husband and I will feel more connected and in tune to each other all week.
2. Work on communicating our expectations to each other.
What do I mean by this?
I have come to realize that some of our biggest arguments happen when husband and I have different expectations of the same event.
For example, parties.
In the fall, we have a lot of parties at our house. And, it seems inevitable that on party day, husband and I will argue.
This is often how it plays out;
In my mind, I expect husband to commit his day to helping me because I am overwhelmed with prep for the party.
In my husband’s mind, he can catch up on some sports, because it’s his one day off and he just needs some time to relax. He’ll get everything done an hour before the party.
His lack of helping on my timeline makes me crazy. And my constant nagging makes him crazy.
Argument ensues.
This also happens when we are trying to get out of the house for anything that has a scheduled start time.
In my mind it’s important to be on time. In his mind, there is no need to fret. He’ll get there when he gets there.
Argument ensues.
There is a definite pattern.
My goal for this year is to work on expressing our expectations before there is time for an argument to brew.
(By the way. Want to set your own marriage goals? Click below to get a free printable that can help!)
Imagine the morning of a party. Instead of nagging I say, “Sweetie, today is party day. Can we talk about what we would both like to get out of today so that we can work together to make sure that each of us gets what we want?”
Wow! What a difference!
Yes. This year I am going to work on how I communicate my needs and expectations to hubby particularly for getting out of the house for events or for parties at the house.
Sounds like such a small thing, but it can often be the small things, when not dealt with, that can build up to bitterness and arguments that can be damaging to a relationship.
This I know for sure.
So, as I gear up to tackle these goals of mine, I wonder what your marriage goals are. What would you like to improve in your marriage this year? Comment below and let me know.
Tammy
Married and Naked
Very good. Those two goals are constructive. Mine are: 1. To increase our love this year. 2. To share our ideas me and my spouse on every thing we plan to do
We have been married almost 22 years! Wow, it just seems like yesterday that we got married in, of all places, Las Vegas! It was a PLANNED ceremony. We were engaged in November and married in March 1996, after 2 years of dating. We had a 21 year Vow Renewal Ceremony on September 25, 1017 on the beach in Florida. We planned every detail, from the ceremony outline, content, personal
Vows to each other and decorations! My point being, doing this together was a marriage building endeavor. Like communication! That has been, and still is, one of our more challenging aspects to deal with every day. I realized 2 years ago that I had anger issues that were crippling our everyday relationship. To make this short, I also realized that my husband’s communication style was just pausing my buttons. I’ve learned to forgive him and changed my responses to his communication style. I now engaged him, first by looking at him with smiling eyes and lips. That really gets his attention! Then I repeat what he has said to me and then say, ” Is this what you are saying.” The exchange of looking and talking about our views continues until we know what each other
has really thought about the issue. Saying “I’m sorry” has gone a long way in healing our previous disfuntioning communication styles. If I get mad, sometimes I write him a letter so he knows what I’m feeling & thinking! Other times, I just do the smiling eyes and lips approach and say “Really”, and away we go. Since doing our Vow Renewal, our relationship has improved tremendously. I could go on but I’m not trying to write a book. Yes, I definitely believe communication, sex, and quality time together is a great foundation to a better marriage. I put effort into our marriage by sending texts, songs, flirting goes a long ways & making personalized cards for him! Remembering how & why we fell in love, gives me a compass on how to treat him like I did then. The fire is still burning and getting better all the time because of these things. Thank you for reminding us that a good foundation makes a great marriage!
Wow! Amazing Teresa. You have put a lot of work into your marriage and it sounds like it is paying off greatly. That’s wonderful! I love that you have learned strategies on how to react better to his communication style rather than focusing on him changing his style. Way to go and congrats on 21 years!