Here are 4 ways children you might be hurting your marriage.
1. All the positive energy goes to the kids.
Let’s agree on this; kids are amazing but they can be exhausting.
Most days I start with a revised sense of energy. Feeling like I’m ready to tackle the day and all it brings.
Then, my son looses his school notebook and begins to cry. And my daughter needs me to sign some last-minute permission slips while we are running late out the door.
I try to stay positive and helpful.
Then my son is crying about his math homework and my daughter needs to run to Michael’s to get stuff for a school project.
I try to stay positive and helpful.
Then the kids fight about who takes the cans out to the recycle bin and my daughter has made a mess while trying an experimental recipe in the kitchen.
I try to stay positive and not raise my voice.
Then my son doesn’t want to eat what I have made for dinner and both the kids whine about having to help clean the dishes.
I’m losing my temper and feeling not so positive and helpful.
The my son argues about having to take a shower and my daughter is making an endless drawn out plea about allowing her watch a certain PG 13 movie.
Ok, that’s it! I’m done.
Then, in walks husband. He says something I don’t even really hear and I lash out taking out my frustrations from the day on him.
Every little bit of positive energy I started the day with is gone. And my husband gets the leftovers; a short-tempered, exhausted woman who just wants to curl up and be quiet.
Ok. Admittedly not so great for a relationship.
My husband deserves better than that.
HOW TO FIX IT:
Once I realized that this was my pattern every day, my husband and I had a talk about it.
He shared how it made him feel that he never got the happy and positive me. I shared with him my exhaustion and frustration.
We brainstormed to come up with solutions.
This is what has worked for us; after the kids go to bed, I take about 20 -30 minutes of me time. I watch a show, read, play a game on my phone. Something that helps me decompress from the day.
After that I feel better, more relaxed and ready to give some positive energy toward my husband. Then we can talk or cuddle without the frustration of the day lingering over us.
Of course, this doesn’t happen everyday.
It’s not perfect, but it has certainly helped me find ways to devote some positive energy towards not only my kids, but my husband too.
You might not like what I have to say next. Click next to find out why.
Great article! Thank you
Thank you so much. So glad you liked it.
Good reading… indeed children is critically important to us but by neglecting marriage is not a healthy practice… thank you for a great sharing
Thank you for taking the time to comment. You are right, neglecting marriage is definitely not a healthy practice. So glad you stopped by!
Have you heard of “Growing Kids God’s Way?” They talk about a lot of these things in their series – I recommend it to every parent new or experienced. There is always something new that I glean from it every time I do the study again!
No I haven’t. I will have to take a look. Thanks for the tip.
Good read. Spot on
Thank you!
I wish my husband saw it this way my step daughter was always his priority when she came around, my husband and I never slept together when she with us, and he would never allow our son to sleep with us once. It’s sad to say one of the reason my marriage is ending is because of this.
HI Karen, I’m sorry to hear that your marriage is ending. It is such an important lesson and one that is often overlooked. I am wishing you the best as you move forward in your life and start new adventures!