A couple of years ago I had a revelation.
I was completely unaware of who I was anymore.
I was head to toe buried in being a wife and mother.
I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean it was all I knew. It was how I defined myself. I wasn’t Tammy. I was Joel’s wife. I was Devyn and Dawson’s mom. But who the heck was I?
I think it tends to be a common thread with the married women I know. We give everything to our husbands and kids and have little or nothing left over for ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong. That is what I signed on for. I was committed to being the best Mom and Wife I could be. But what I didn’t realize was, in the process,
I had lost sight of me.
I was unhappy, frustrated and lost.
Sound at all familiar?
I’m not sure why but women, especially, often feel that the only way that we can be great mothers and wives is to let ourselves go.
But, I have come to disagree with this philosophy. I feel that I am a much better wife and mother when I take care of myself and take time for for me.
Here are some ways that I found happiness by reconnecting with me:
Try something new
I remember at the time I started to feel this intense need to do something just for me. To try something new. Something I had never done before.
My husband bought me a guitar for Christmas. It was all that I wanted.
Sometimes in my daydreams I imagined that I was an untapped musical prodigy. That, if only given the chance, I would turn out to be an amazing musician.
So I took up guitar lessons. I have taken classes off and on for the last couple of years. And, though it turns out I have no musical talent whatsoever, I savor the moments that I sit in the room with the music notes and instructor. I am proud that I did something like that for myself.
Schedule Me Time
At one point, a couple years ago, I had reached a breaking point. I was exhausted, overwhelmed and literally felt like I couldn’t get a deep breath any more.
I remember I shouted out to my husband, “I need a break!”
I needed to get away. I needed some time alone to regroup, breathe, and reconnect with me.
I think I scared my husband when I said this, but I just really desperately needed a couple of days away from it all. Luckily he was supportive.
Shortly later I took a couple of days away from home all by myself. I slept in, got take out, watched DVDs and relaxed. Up to that point it, it was the best thing I had ever done for myself. It was amazing.
I came home refreshed and happy.
Ever since then, I schedule a couple of times a year where I have a couple of days just for me. It helps keep me sane, grounded and happy.
Pursue a dream
Once I had discovered the fun of trying something new and taking some time for myself, I decided it was high time I started pursuing a life long dream, writing.
So, on my birthday a few years ago, I rented a hotel room just for me as a gift to myself, and I started my blog.
I had always wanted to be a writer, but never put forth the time and attention to follow that dream. Publishing that first blog post was exhilarating. I was a writer. Paid or not didn’t matter to me.
What mattered was that I was following my dreams. I was pursing my passion.
I was making myself a priority.
It was a fantastic feeling.
Thru my pursuits of rediscovering myself, I have come to believe that in order to be the best mother and wife I can be, I need to first take care of me. I need to follow my desires, make time for myself and pursue my passions.
Now when I get overly cranky or stressed out my husband says, “You need to take some time to focus on you.”
You know what, you are absolutely right!